Embracing the Chatty Cathy Stereotype: The Female Participation Puzzle
By: Avery Didden
I love to talk. Like actually seriously love it. If you can relate, you’re going to want to keep reading...
My earliest memories involve talking. I memorized all of Angelina Ballerina when I was three years old, so I could “read” it aloud to my parents. And, ever since I began school, I loved talking there too. I would talk to my friends, to my teachers, and was the most talkative student in class throughout elementary school. During this time in my life, my talkative nature was thought of as “cute.” “Isn’t she just so adorable? She can go on and on for hours.” I used to hear that a lot and, frankly, I liked it. I liked being the cute girl with the opinions who wasn’t afraid to speak her mind.
But, something happened as I got older. Eventually, my talking stopped being “cute.” I wasn’t the little girl with the good ideas, I was the woman who talked too much. And, people made sure I knew that.
In my freshman year of high school, I was assigned a debate in history class. One thing I learned from my years talking is not to talk without evidence to back up your opinions. So, I remember preparing diligently for my debate, coming to class, and speaking for all but ten seconds when the male classmate to my left put his arm across me to stop me from speaking and said, “No stop. I got this.” I remember being frazzled and humiliated. I didn’t say anything—neither did my teacher or anyone else in the class. We all sat there, mouths gaping open for five solid seconds until the boy began speaking and everything was right with the world again.
I didn’t speak for the rest of the debate. For the first time in my life, I was speechless.
I remember feeling so alone that day. But after reflecting on it for years, I realized this wasn't the first time I’d been silenced for being too vocal. More importantly, I knew it wasn’t an experience I’d had in a vacuum. It was something that happened to women everywhere.
In college, I feel more judgement in the air when a woman begins speaking than when a man begins giving an explanation. People are just, as a whole, stereotypically more okay with women being silenced than men being silenced. And let me tell you, whether or not you’re a woman for whom talking is part of your identity, being told to stop participating in the middle of your thought or having your comment go unaddressed doesn’t feel good in the slightest and is all too common.
I constantly think about what my history teacher said to me after that debate in class. She, a woman herself, looked at me and said, “You’re going to have to deal with all kinds of people in this world. And, work with them too.” True. I am most probably going to work with all different kinds of people (and that’s something I welcome, by the way). But, that’s not an appropriate comment to make to the fourteen-year-old, straight-A, female student in your class.
And, that’s why, years later, the thing I most regret about the situation isn’t not yelling at the boy who stopped me (but believe me, I’d love to if I had the chance). My biggest regret by far is looking at my history teacher and saying, “Yes. I know. I understand.” By doing this, I accepted what that boy did to me, allowing myself to feed into the expectation that women should zip their lips and accept it as just “part of the world.”
Ladies! Here this call! We have to demand more of ourselves and the people around us. It’s one thing to stand up to microaggressions from other people, but we also have to watch out for our own flawed beliefs and call each other out on the things we have become too comfortable accepting. We have to do what my history teacher did not.
Next time your friend is silenced in a class, take it upon yourself to call the person out, raise your hand and point it out, or direct the conversation back to her idea.
If you’re taking anything away from this, just remember that it is our responsibility as women to support each other, to keep each other talking, and to make sure we can break through the silence.