The Clothing Conundrum
By: Avery Didden
It’s the eternal and all-too-common question you ask your roommate after you hop out of the shower. You’re excited for your night. Maybe you have a date. Maybe you’re going to a party. Maybe you’re just having dinner with some friends. You look at your acquaintance in a kind of frustrated disbelief and ask, “What do I wear!?”
Having asked this question too many times and having answered this question equally as frequently, I know exactly how the process will go after this infamous question is posed.
The person answering will often sigh thoughtfully and probe, “Okay, well what are you going for?” They’ll make some kind of sweeping hand gesture as they ask this, trying to get to the essence of the “look.”
When you answer, you’ll probably say something along these lines, no matter the occasion: “I want to look good, but I don’t want to look like I’m trying too hard.”
And, after trying on half the contents of your closet, you’ll decide on something (probably some variation of the first outfit you had on). You’ll look at your friend (she’ll give you a nod). With one final glance in the mirror, you’ll head out for the evening.
This process has always been interesting to me. The idea that women, in particular, need someone else’s guidance when doing something as simple as picking out clothes (an activity we transition from having our parents do at the age of six or seven) is puzzling. It reminds me of the stereotype that girls go to the bathroom with each other; whereas, men go separately. I can recall more than one instance of a boy looking at my friend and me and laughing as we get up to use the restroom.
“Why do girls do that?” he’ll mutter under his breath.
It is my belief that men, stereotypically, feel as though they need to be the “macho guy” who doesn’t need any help, but women, stereotypically, feel as though they need others’ approval about even the smallest aspects of daily life.
Both of these stereotypes are problematic and lead to issues in the gender roles we perpetuate in our daily lives. For men, they feel like they can’t ask for help, directions, or any kind of assistance. For women, they feel like they are constantly looking to be validated, put together, and approved of, especially when it comes to their appearance.
Now, since we’re focusing on the ladies here, I want to turn our attention to that side of the issue. It is problematic that we, as women, are constantly seeking approval for our actions and appearance. Whether we want advice on an outfit, or we don’t want to go to the bathroom alone so as to stand out, we constantly seek this group validation. I’m not suggesting an easy solution to this problem. To do that would be to have solved the issue of global gender roles.
My advice may be good, but it’s not that good. *Wink, wink.*
However, I think a step in the right direction is women empowering themselves to do small things more independently. If you find yourself seeking validation when you can answer or approve of something yourself, it is beneficial, for your own development, to do that thing yourself.
I’m not saying don’t ever ask your friend what to wear, but there is something valuable in hopping out of the shower and putting on an outfit without asking for anyone else’s approval. It’s small, but it’s a gesture that allows you to feel like you are good enough.
It’s not fixing the problem completely, and it’s not a perfect answer. However, it is a small and crucial step in the quest for female self-validation, something we all need a little more of...