The Pressures of Womanhood: Being Perfect Without Even Trying

By: Kerry Rork

Raise your hand if you have ever felt like you weren’t enough or you weren’t doing enough. Raise your hand if you have ever felt like everyone else knew what they were doing and you alone didn’t. Raise your hand if you have ever felt self-conscious, embarrassed, unsuccessful, alone -- the list goes on. It is more than likely you can relate to at least a few of those. Why do so many people, particularly female-identifying individuals, share this same story?

For one, the twenty-first century seems to invite comparisons. Scrolling through Instagram or TikTok, you are often hit with images of gorgeous people who strut through life with an air of refinement and pose. Take Gigi Hadid or Adriana Lima. They are pretty, happy, and skinny - there’s no way either of them have had a single embarrassing moment in their whole life. 

On college campuses, this same feeling takes on a new, more vicious form as your peers become the objects of envy. Walking from class to class, you see people dressed in pantsuits for their next interview, seemingly prepared for anything. Or perhaps, you overhear a conversation in the cafeteria about all the incredible non-profit work a fellow student is doing. How do they have it all? 

This togetherness we all know too well is referred to as ‘effortless perfection.’ It is that feeling you get when you meet someone who seems to have their whole life together - smart, accomplished, healthy, popular, happy - without even trying. And, it runs rampant on college campuses, particularly among female-identifying individuals.

Our negative self-image coupled with constant comparison is a dangerous mindset to find yourself in. The reality for these perfect people, particularly those who are your peers, is likely much more relatable - more often than not, these people are just as overscheduled and overwhelmed as you are, perhaps even more so. 

How did this attitude become ingrained in our culture? I wonder if perhaps the increasingly competitive college process is the answer. If college applications are asking us to do it all, why wouldn’t those same instincts translate into college? Or maybe it is partially social media to blame in its manifestation of the ultimate curated reality. Or maybe it is the ridiculous levels of pressure we place on female-identifying individuals. Or maybe it is some combination of factors. 

Unfortunately, it is something so many individuals have to deal with. And, in order to escape it, we need to distinguish from this created false reality and truth.  

Notice when you have those thoughts of ‘I’m not good enough’ or ‘I could be doing more.’ Take control of your thoughts. More than likely, you are projecting some idea of a reality onto someone’s life that likely isn’t true. These thoughts are a whole different world that we create in our head, overpowering what is real. Remind yourself that those people are likely just as occupied in similar thoughts as you are. Take a step back to allow yourself to contemplate those feelings. Above all, don’t bottle it in. While you may think you are alone in this battle, you are definitely not. Start a dialogue with your friends and around your college campus, particularly in female-dominated spaces. You will be shocked by how many people share that same story. While there is no one size fits all to escaping ‘effortless perfection,’ finding space in your thoughts is a critical first step.